Dear Man Of my Dreams,

It has come to my attention that you are hard pressed to find ways to impress all the ladies that aren't me. I have taken it upon myself to educate you. It is my desire to see you succeed in the arena of love.

I am a woman of wisdom. You must listen very closely and do what I say. In a very short time the Ladies will be falling at your feet. I will teach you sure fire ways to impress the ladies I assure you.

They will never tell you this, but out of the goodness of my heart, I will. The ladies love it when gentlemen scratch their nether regions right out in public. The ladies are oh so impressed by this one. The more often you do this the better, for it drives the ladies wild.

I have noticed that you open car doors for the ladies. Never do this. All the ladies despise this.

Always leave your wallet at home while on a date. Ladies like to pay for the date. It makes them feel especially happy to be with you.

Women don't like it when a man dresses particularly sharp for a date. In fact, women prefer A man to be very unkempt.

Never wear under arm deodorant around the ladies it makes them feel sick to their stomachs. They prefer your manly scent.

The ladies love an unshaven face. They are very attracted to men with long, unruly beards.

Women love the smell of a man's feet, but only if he doesn't change his socks for a few months. It really gets those ladies going.

Make sure you always pee all over the toilet seats in washrooms. Women find this so incredibly sexy about men.

While with the ladies never talk intelligently. This is a huge turn off for women.

I just know after taking my advice you will have the attention of all those
ladies other than me. You are going to impress them so much.

I can see a future of no loneliness for you now that I have educated you on how to impress those ladies. If you should ever need me to educate you more on any subject matter feel free to call me, text me, email me, page me, Kiss me, marry me, have my babies.

Love,
The girl next door